Love and Hate
by LifeIsJustAGame
Summary: It's like an unspoken agreement. They won't touch anyone else, yet they refuse to claim the other as their own. It's not love, of course not. That's just not possible, right? [Set during/after The Battle, also flash back to Sixth Year. One shot. Harry/Draco slash. Mature content. Not Epilogue-compatible.]


"Draco." One word, hissed repeatedly over the void filled only by one madman on a quest to conquer the wizarding world. "Draco. Come here." That voice, the voice of his nightmares. Lucius Malfoy hisses at his son, begging him to cross over the void and join him and Narcissa. Draco hesitates and one thing stops him; his mother delicately shaking her head, silently pleading with Draco to stay where he is. She mouths "I love you." across the void, to which he replies "I'll save you."  
He realises that the courtyard is watching the exchange but he does not care. With one last sour glance at his father, he steps forwards and stands next to Weasley and Granger in a silent show of allegiance. A gasp threads through the crowd and Voldemort smirks.  
"That is your choice, Draco? You'd abandon your family and your fellow Death Eaters to choose a group of people who loathe your family name and your entire existence?" There's a pause, a hesitation, before Draco spares a glance for the body in Hagrid's arms.  
"Yes. I'm doing what my 'family' should have done a long time ago." Draco glares at his aunt and his father, but not his mother. He knows she doesn't have a choice; she never did. He understands that now.  
"Traitor." Bellatrix spits on the ground in front of her and glares at her nephew. He does not look at her, nor the two Griffindors stood next to him; he merely focusses on the boy who he's loathed for seven years. There are screams and gasps as that boy jumps from Hagrid's arms, and Draco feels elation course through him, replacing the fear and grief. The two boys lock eyes for a second before The Boy Who Lived disappears under his invisibility cloak and begins firing curses, leading Voldemort and his followers away from Potter's friends, family, comrades, and the boy who loves to hate him.

* * *

Draco looks around the vast Great Hall, a mix of emotions flying through his mind. His mother is sitting next to him, holding his hand and whispering how proud she is of him for standing up to Voldemort and Lucius. A few tears escape her eyes in grief for her deranged sister's downfall, but the main feeling between them is relief. It won't last long though; nobody wants to mention it, but everybody knows that the camaraderie won't last long and soon the remaining Death Eaters- especially the Malfoys- will be given a one-way ticket to Azkaban.  
Draco's sapphire eyes flicker down the table to Potter, who's tired eyes show that he's clearly desperate to leave. Everybody owes him so much now, but no one more than Draco. He sees Loony Lovegood whisper something in his ear before pointing out of one of the windows and shouting "Oooh, look, a Blubbering Humdinger!" Those around Potter take the bait but Draco, being the only person who remains watching him, sees the boy disappear under his cloak. Moments later, Weasley and Granger stand up and leave the over-crowded Great Hall hand-in-hand. Well well well. Draco smirks.  
"Mother, I've got to do something. I'll be back soon. Just stay here." Rather than telling him to stay like he expects, his mother drops his pale hand and smiles tearfully. He kisses her cheek and then, using his new-found courage, follows the trio out of the Hall. When they're far enough away from the Great Hall he stops and takes a deep breath.  
"Potter." The trio stop immediately, turning to face him.  
"What do you want, Malfoy? You've got some nerve. Now is not really the time for your bollocks." Weasley frowns at him.  
"I just want to speak to Potter if you don't mind, Weasley." Draco huffs in a softer tone than he's used for a long time. Weasley's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline and Granger frowns.  
"Okay. We'll wait outside Dumbledore's office, Harry." Granger smiles at Potter and shoots a timid smile in Draco's direction before grabbing Weasley's hand and dragging him round the corner.  
"Are you... Are you alright, Potter?" Draco asks him and receives a slightly bewildered look in return. "Okay, stupid question. I just..."  
"You can call me Harry, you know." Pott- Harry recovers slightly and takes a step towards Draco. "I mean, you'd think that after everything we did in our sixth year, you could at least call me by my first name." Harry raises his eyebrows and Draco gives in; all of his pent-up feelings explode to the surface as he pushes Harry back against the wall. With a sigh of Harry's name (which he will continue to deny for the rest of his life) he moulds their lips together in a frenzy, needing to reassure himself that Harry is okay. He's here. He's alive. He's okay. He slips his hands down to the shorter boy's hips, pressing against them as Harry runs his hands through Draco's tousled hair. They kiss for a while, all tongues and teeth and desperation, until Draco eventually pulls away. He rests his forehead against Harry's and fights to control his breathing and emotions.  
"So, were you worried about me by any chance?" Harry chuckles. Draco growls quietly, only adding to Harry's amusement. Draco starts to argue but lets him off; they're both tired, emotional and so very confused. What had happened in their sixth year wasn't meant to mean so much to either of them...

* * *

_"Here you go, Draco." Pansy places a Butterbeer in front of Draco and gracefully drops into the chair next to him. They're sat around a table with Blaise Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle. Draco murmurs his thanks and hastily takes a sip, thankful for the warmth that instantly spreads throughout his frosty body. He hears raucous laughter and turns to glare at the corner where the Moronic Trio are sat. Granger has clearly had too much Butterbeer and is laughing far too loudly, which really gets on Draco's nerves. Weaselby's staring intently at the girl and really, could he be any more obvious? Draco snorts quietly. What a fool. He glances at Potter, who's smiling at his friends in a you're-so-strange kind of way. He brushes his jet black hair out of his eyes, but ignores it when it falls back into the same place. His emerald eyes gleam in the dim lighting and Draco curses himself for noticing such trivial things. He really needs to get this crap out of his system._  
_"Draco, are you even listening to me?" Pansy pouts, pulling Draco out of his thoughts. _  
_"No, Pansy. I'm not." Draco sighs, glaring at her without much effort. He loves her to pieces but she really gets on his nerves sometimes. _  
_"You can be such a jerk sometimes. In case you hadn't noticed, your brainless minions have left. I'm going too. I'll see you in the common room later, ass-face." With a kiss on his cheek and one last flick of her long black hair, Pansy stalks out of the door. Draco breathes a sigh of relief; he'll make it up to her later, but right now he's busy. He watches Harry for a while, subtly of course, but after a while he heads to the toilets. _  
_When he's finished, Draco washes his hands and admires himself in the mirror. His blonde hair falls just the way he wants it, but his drawn cheekbones and dark eyelids make him look tired. Well, that's because he is tired. If only he could just have more time, then maybe- _  
_Draco's thoughts are interrupted by a cough, and as he looks up he notices something; his is not the only face he can see in the mirror._  
_"What do you want, Potter?" Draco sneers, drying his hands delicately with a paper towel._  
_"How stupid do you think I am, Malfoy?" Potter asks, his eyebrows furrowed like he's trying to work out a particularly difficult problem. It's clearly a rhetorical question but Malfoy just can't help the sarcastic retort that slips through his gritted teeth._  
_"Do you really want an answer to that, Potter? You might not like what you hear." His mouth curves into a sneer, but it isn't as hard and bitter as usual and Potter's head tilts in genuine confusion._  
_"I saw you watching us, Malfoy. Watching me." Potter smirks slightly, leaving Draco feeling unsettled. "What are you planning?" Potter steps closer to Draco and the blond turns to glare at him._  
_"Shut up, Potter. Don't flatter yourself. You're not worth my precious, expensive time. I have other things to worry about. You were merely distracting me with your moronic behaviour, that's all. Now get out of my bloody way." It all floods out in a rush and Draco blushes as he walks towards the door. He feels a tug on his wrist and when he turns, Potter doesn't drop it._  
_"What. Are. You. Planning." Potter steps closer and closer until Draco's backed against the door and their noses are almost touching. He still has Draco's wrist in a tight grip and the blond frowns. "Come on, Malfoy. You gotta give me a hint. It's less fun for the both of us if you have the advantage." Potter's green eyes shine with mischief and something else that confuses Draco mercilessly._  
_"Piss off, Potter." Draco frowns, placing both hands on Potter's chest and shoving him as hard as he can. He then draws his wand and pokes Potter in the chest. "Fuck. Off. You freak." He places his wand back in his jacket and grabs the door handle, only to find that the door it's locked. He takes a deep breath, whirls around and, without a second's hesitation, swings his right fist straight into Potter's perfectly sculpted jaw._  
_"That's more like it." Potter smirks, spitting blood to the side before smashing a fish straight into Draco's nose. They both wince slightly at the crunch that fills the air as Draco's nose breaks. "That's for last month. Remember, on the train? It's a shame really, always liked how your nose looked. Guess you'll probably get it fixed though, hmphp-" Potter's cut off by a fist in his gut._  
_"You talk too much." Draco grins, blood dripping down his face as he laughs at Potter doubled over in front of him. "But you like my nose? Nice to know. I'll make sure it's back to how it looked this morning before the day is over."_  
_"Good." Potter sneers back before kneeing Draco straight in the bollocks. The blonde drops straight away, clutching himself in agony. _  
_"Gahhhhhh you bastard." Draco moans. Potter deliberates for a moment before stepping forward and holding out a hand. Draco reaches for it and at the last second, punches the raven-haired lad straight in the groin. "Now we're even."_  
_"You fucker." Potter whimpers, also dropping to his knees. They continue to punch, flick, slap and head-butt each other until they're sat back on their asses, dazed and bloody. They sit there for a few minutes, attending to their wounds, before one of them speaks._  
_"It's not how it used to be, is it Malfoy? It's not fun anymore." Potter huffs in a brief moment of camaraderie. Normally one of them would have stormed off by now, but instead they're sitting in strangely companionable silence. His childhood nemesis raises a pale eyebrow and he grins in response. "Okay so maybe it is fun. But it's different. I enjoy this way more than I should. Do you know what I mean?" He reaches out with his wand and fixes Draco's nose wordlessly. They kneel up and stare at each other for a while, healing each other's wounds and both refusing to be the first to break the silence, before it happens. They're not sure which of them makes the first move, but suddenly their lips are connected and it's everything either of them thought it would be and more. Hands move everywhere as they push and pull and test each other's limits, dominating and submitting in equal measures as they explore territory they never thought they'd reach. Eventually though, breathing does become a necessity, so they pull apart and pant against each other's mouths as they try to catch their breath._  
_"We should have done that a long time ago." Draco murmurs against Potter's bruised lips._  
_"Yeah, I think you might be right." Potter stands up and pulls Draco with him. He grins wickedly as Draco pushes him backwards until his back is pressed against the door. They kiss roughly for a while before Draco pulls away._  
_"I wonder why no one's tried to come in yet...?" He frowns at his companion and starts to back away. Potter laughs and has the decency to look slightly embarrassed._  
_"So I may have put a confusion charm on the door handle on the other side. Anyone who touched it after I did will just go and find another toilet." Draco raises an eyebrow and Potter chuckles. "Well, I was going to attack you in some form. I just didn't think you'd be this receptive." Draco punches him again before pressing his semi-hard erection against Potter's hip._  
_"Well, parts of me are certainly very receptive. Care to do something about it?" _

_A short while later, Draco finds himself backed against a wall in a toilet stall with Potter rutting against him in a way that's so dirty and so shameless that the blonde is sure he's going to climax rather quickly. Potter obviously feels the same as he bites, nips and sucks all over Draco's collarbones. It's when the lad whispers "Come for me, Draco", his pink and bruised lips wrapping all around Draco's first name like a caress that Draco's hips stutter and he comes violently, chanting "fuck fuck fuck" as his head falls on his enemy's shoulder._  
_"Fuck me..." Potter grunts, closer than ever and desperately seeking release._  
_"Maybe some day." Draco sighs, slipping his hand into Potter's trousers and tugging until the boy in question comes all over his hand. They pant against each other's mouths again, completely spent, before casting cleaning charms and backing away. Well, Potter backs away. Draco's still leaning against the wall, wondering how the hell they reach this point._  
_"Let's never do this again." Potter smirks, brushing a lose strand of hair out of Draco's eyes before practically running from the bathroom._

_It happens almost every night for the next six months. They still refuse to call it a relationship, because it's not. It's just two boys who hate each other and have a lot of pent-up frustration. Still, Potter refuses Ginny's company just as much as Draco refuses Pansy's. It's like an unspoken agreement. They won't touch anyone else, yet they refuse to claim the other as their own. It's not love, of course not. That's just not possible, right?_

* * *

"I was not worried. Malfoys do not worry." Draco frowns, backing away from Harry.  
"I was worried about you." Harry whispers, refusing to unwind his arms from Draco's waist. "When you stood up to Him... I thought..."  
"Shhh." Draco kisses Harry's forehead (he will also deny this forever. Draco doesn't do sweet.)  
"We don't have to hide anymore, Draco. After everything... I don't care. I just... I want to be with you. Is that so stupid?" Harry sighs, but his eyes are awash with so much hope that Draco's protest falters on his lips. But that doesn't stop him from squashing that hope. It's the only thing he's good at.  
"Yes, it is. I'm going to go to Azkaban, Harry. So's my mother. Do you really think the rest of the wizarding world is going to let you be with me." It's not a question. It's a statement that Draco believes with all of his heart, and he's surprised by how much it hurts. He just wants to crawl into bed with Harry, hide under the covers and never ever leave. But he can't. They have to face the consequences of the last year.  
Draco shakes his head and pulls out of Harry's arms. "It's not about you being gay, Harry. They'll fucking eat that up. But me? A Death-Eater. Malfoy scum. Your childhood enemy. I spent six years making your life hell, and almost sold you out to my bat-shit crazy aunt who would have sent you straight to your death. In fact, you nearly died anyway. Why... Why me?" Draco's lip quivers in anger. He will not cry. Not even in front of Harry. Crying is weakness and Malfoy's are not weak. "What is this anyway? It's not a relationship. It's just a few handjobs and blowjobs because we were both too afraid to come out of the closet. That's it. It means nothing."  
"You don't believe that. I am not afraid, and neither are you. And I will make sure you don't go to Azkaban. Nor your mother. I would do anything for you, Draco. When will you get that? I spent so much time obsessing over you that I was bound to fall in love with you at some point." Draco shakes his head but Harry grabs his shoulders and shakes him slightly. "You hear that, Draco? I love you. I have for a while now. All the time I was gone, every time I lay in bed awake all I could think was 'I should have told him'. I should have told you, Draco! To hell with everyone else!" Harry's eyes are ablaze with passion and yet Draco remains still. "I don't give a flying fuck! They can say what they want and write what they want. You were forced, Draco. Yes you're a sarcastic prick with tendencies to bully the weak and assume power, but have you seen the environment you grew up in? I'm not asking you to change, you fool, I'm asking you to let me show you how much I care! Are you even listening to me?!" Harry shoves Draco against the corridor wall and presses their lips together, all of those pent-up feelings melting into that kiss. Draco's resolve crumbles and he pulls Harry tight against him, his arms gripping his waist as if his life depends on it.  
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." Draco mumbles against Harry's lips, all traces of the "unwavering Malfoy" disappearing as he listens processes Harry's speech in his head.  
"Don't be sorry. Just don't try and make me believe something that you don't even believe yourself. I. Love. You. That's it. You're stuck with me." Harry holds Draco tight in his arms, and if he notices the tears that drip down Draco's pale cheeks he does not mention it. Draco's pride won't take any more hits. He knows that. Harry also knows that when all of this crazy shit is over, they'll be okay. They have to be.

There's a fine line between love and hate, right?


End file.
